From: Simon Burr Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery Subject: Re: Moo. Date: 5 Feb 1996 13:04:30 -0000 Organization: Total Connectivity Providers - Internet access for the UK Message-ID: <4f4v8u$uu@poseidon.tcp.co.uk> References: <19960205.317A18.50C3@ACCESS.digex.net> In <19960205.317A18.50C3@ACCESS.digex.net> sheer@ACCESS.digex.net (Sheer Panic) writes: >I swear I'm gonna kill SMTP. Slowly and painfully. Why ? What's SMTP ever done to you to deserve death ? Most of the problems related to SMTP are Luser created. I mean, its hardly SMTP's fault that lusers often show less intelligence than rocks is it ? You should view SMTP as a nice friendly animal that does *exactly* what you tell it too... a dog would be a good example I guess :) The normal way it should work is: Luser: hmmm, I've got some mail to send out. SMTP! Where are you ? SMTP : Woof! Luser: I've got some nice mail for you! SMTP : Woof! Luser: Here SMTP, fetch! SMTP : Woof! Luser: Good SMTP. However, certain Lusers who think that they know what they are doing, don't do this. They don't treat SMTP very nicely and so SMTP responds in the typical way: Luser: Oi, SMTP! Where is that damned mail thing. Oi! SMTP : Grrrrrr Luser: Don't do that. BAD SMTP. SMTP : GRRRRRRR Luser: Down... I've got some mail for you SMTP : Yelp! Luser: Now, deliver it for me. SMTP : GRRRR Luser: Argghhg... down, get off. I'll tell postmaster at you SMTP : Luser: Get Off Me ! SMTP : Luser: Aieeee, Postmaster! Help PM : Alright, SMTP. HEEL! SMTP : PM : Okay, what happened here then ? Luser: Well, I was trying to send some mail and... PM : I wasn't talking to *you*. I was asking SMTP. Luser: What! You're going to trust that thing! PM : yes. Okay SMTP, what happened SMTP : Woof PM : What, this luser hit you with that badly formed EMail message and put you into a mail loop ? Luser: I didn't do th... SMTP : WOOF PM : SMTP seems to disagree with you. Looks like SMTP was correct to do some preventive maintainence on you Luser: Preventive maintainence? It attacked me! PM : Exactly.... it will stop you from doing it again. Or it will once SMTP has finished with you. Luser: Wha.. PM : Hmmm, I've always wondered. Just how fast can a Luser run. SMTP, ATTACK! Luser: Argghgh.... SMTP : GRRRRR Luser: AIEEEEIGIGHGH PM : Not fast enough I guess. [1]: Its a normal thing with most dogs... they don't really care *who* you are.... I guess I'm seeing SMTP as something like a labrador.... Although on some sites would prefer to see SMTP as a rabid wolverine :) Thankfully, we're getting rid of all our customers who have a static IP address fairly soon. Which also means that they are not going to have stuff waiting in the mail queue any longer. A whole range of problems will be reduced in size :) -- Simon Burr (simes@tcp.co.uk) | http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/ Systems Manager and Programmer | Total Connectivity Providers Ltd I *don't* speak for my company, my boss does that Out of coffee. Admin halted